The intrigue about vulnerability

The notion changes with time

Born vulnerable, we live our most authentic lives as children. It is when we grow and experience hardship and abandonment, we start wearing layers of armour to protect ourselves. We all have aspects of ourselves that we’re afraid to share for fear of not being accepted. We mask who we are to fit a mould that we believe is desirable.

Till such time the word ‘vulnerability’ had not become such a buzzword, it had a rather negative implication. Generations before us were taught to endure, have power and avoid expressing emotions as it was considered a sign of weakness. That tradition continues till today where strength, perseverance and perfection are admired, feeling vulnerable is not.

 

Preparing oneself to be vulnerable

Vulnerability to me had always been an uncomfortable, intimidating and abstract concept. I was apprehensive to embrace vulnerability because I feared shame, rejection, disappointment and suffering. I was intrigued as to how vulnerability, a seemingly negative feeling, could be one’s biggest strength. I had a most memorable experience on the dance floor when the clumsy dancer that I was, I would always be overpowered with a feeling of shame and embarrassment. It was then the thought came upon me that even people who have been dancing for years can make mistakes, a thought that made me much more confident. I started to practise outside my dance class, with more determination to execute it well. That one event was the catalyst to push myself further.

On another occasion in my dance class when I had a tear in my slacks near the thigh, I was overpowered with embarrassment as I tried hard to cover the tear. Ultimatelywhen I mustered courage to speak out, there was no ridicule, laugh or tease as I had apprehended; rather one of utmost concern.

My realisation

Strength and vulnerability are not opposites. Both these are largely required for one to be vulnerable. It requires us to accept the parts of ourselves that we don’t like or are ashamed of. We need courage to talk about our failures and be accountable for them. Most importantly, it needs courage to admit our uncertainty when we do not have all the answers.

Vulnerability is a natural part of being human, and it can be a strength if we approach it with self-compassion, support and mindfulness. It allows us to connect with others on a deeper level, build trust and empathy and foster authentic relationships.

The binding factors

Everything we do is driven by connection; it gives purpose and meaning to our lives.In fact, that is how we are wired neurobiologically, says Brene Brown. As humans, we need to belong,feel loved, seen and connected. And what prevents connection is shame, stemming from the feeling of inadequacy. If we feel worthless or inadequate, we can’t be open and reveal our true self to others. Here we should have “the courage to be imperfect” and be authentic. Being vulnerable thus becomes a powerful tool to reinvent our connection with ourselves, other people and the world around us.

 

About the author

The article has been contributed by Asmita Roy Chowdhury from Our Lady Queen of the Missions School, Park Circus, Kolkata.